If you have ever wondered how harmonious life will be in the Land of the Rising Sun, then, look no further than the Anambra Central Senatorial Zone. Here, because God so loved us, He blessed us with Senators Peter Obi, Victor Umeh, and Uche Ekeunife as joint distinguished representatives in the Nigerian 8th Senate, on social media. I want us to listen to the ground and hear the footsteps of the ants.
This is the story of three caged lovebirds in Anambra state attempting to fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren (nza). The three lovebirds are like three kitchen knives in the house of a very rich-poor man; the one which is sharp has no handle; the one which has a handle is not sharp; the one that is sharp and has a handle is double-edged. Uche, Victor, and Peter are the three sharp, handless and double-edged kitchen knives (not respectively) poking the hearts of Anambra citizens.
Since the sacking of Uche Ekwunife by the Court of Appeal in Enugu on December 6th, 2015 as our Senator, local politics in the zone has been devoid of absurdity and arrogance. While we mourn the departure of Uche from the Senate after rat bite, two lizards Peter and Victor, sharpen their teeth with salt. Uche’s disqualification and the harmony in Anambra PDP gave Peter the chance to step in and express his agape love for Victor Umeh. Now we have three tailed lizards that just like procrastination are keeping Anambra citizens up with yesterday.
The Scene 1 of Act 2 of BB Anambra show features Peter as a drunken fowl and Victor, the mad fox, slugging it out with Uche in her hornet’s nest. Their fans, Anambra citizens, the grasshoppers, are watching and roasting over the fire, meanwhile claiming to be emitting fat. It is very pleasing to watch my brothers and sisters neck-deep in the ocean of absurdity with these cages lovebirds.
It is well acknowledged that the brain of an average Anambra man is very outstanding. Our brain has been working round the clock from birth until we fell in love with the three lovebirds. As the beauty of these three caged lovebirds fades, so does the eyesight of Anambra citizens. Subsequently, we end up loving them more. Thanks to the gravitational force, we have been pulled to them that we couldn’t tell when they parked us in the middle of the highway.
Like the unfastened masquerades, we jump with the lovebirds from one burial ceremony to another social function in the state. We take pictures and record video clips as they somersault in the arena. As the caged Casanovas ooze out the joyless sermon and incandescent darkness in Anambra State, we share their bravery in the social media. Just like an irrational child that points to his father’s house with the left hand, the citizens of Anambra State have joined this dance of shame. As a matter of fact, we are carrying these poisonous deities on our heads, forgetting that it is the deity that the people worship that kills them.
According to Marjorie Allen Seiffert, “A bird is three things: feathers, flight and song, and feathers are the least of these.” To simple knock Peter Obi off the news headlines, all Victor need do is change the length of the feather on his long red cap. Victor Umeh is like a small bird that ate until his stomach was full, but instead of telling his god to come and take him, he is asking us to send him to Abuja. He wants to vomit his undigested orishirishi in Saraki’s chambers.
The proverb that is applied to the bird is applied as well to the wren (nza). It is commendable that ‘sane’ Mr. Obi has descended to Mr. Umeh’s level of madness. Peter Obi should keep behaving like a sheep that force-delivered a premature child out of envy when she heard that her friend, Victor, is about to give birth to a child. By now, there is no doubt that Peter Obi is an icon of “good governance” for making Anambra State “ungovernable” for Governor Obiano and acting as a catalyst in denying citizens of Anambra Central adequate representation the 8th Senate. After all, he is the 2-shoed messiah with one wrist watch for 17 years.
In Anambra, we resist everything except temptation. So you can understand the commotion in the arena when the only Princes in the state, Uche, stepped in. Uche, a woman who goes to PDP and fights, goes to APC and fights, goes to APGA and fights, is it the market people that are looking for trouble from her, or is she the one that is looking for trouble from market people? Of course, it is the market women. Uche is our chocolate and the favorite of the citizens of Anambra Central.
It might interest you to note that even when there was that little quarrel between these lovers, Ohaneze Ndigbo and Anambra elders all came together and prevailed on them to allow adequate representation for Ndigbo. This is the true spirit of obi-nwanne (brotherhood). Nigerians should come, see and replicate the display of true love and brotherhood in my Senatorial Zone. We are a microscopic cousin of the Land of the Rising Sun, soon to be realized. No wonder Nnamdi Kanu referred to my state as a country of savages and animals.
So, let’s keep beating the broken drum for Senator Umeh to keep reminding him that a combination of long red cap and a large chair can make a king. Let’s keep urging Senator Obi on so that he will keep attempting to bury himself. Even if one of his arms ends up sticking out, we will not regard him as a deceitful person. Let us join Senator Uche and kill our plantain tree with our own machete. After all, are all the senators in Abuja not in Saraki’s back pocket?
Let’s continue to chase rats in Anambra, no need to care about our burning house. Very soon, the electioneering for the 2019 elections will commence. Meanwhile, my Anambra Central that make progress by complicating simplicity are still looking for the 2019 bird in the nest of 2015.
In that cage-like nest, Uche is the sweet dream while Victor is the alarm clock and Peter the virgin in a maternity ward, sorry the saint in Osborne Towers. We will forever love you guys even if it means the beginning of the end of representation for Ndi Anambra at the Senate. The lovebirds are currently sailing through the Sahara Desert while Anambra citizens are eagerly waiting for their ship to land on the tarmac of the international wing of the Agu Awka village airport.
I have just finished consulting the spirits of the forefathers of Ndi Anambra and they are very happy that we have not only failed to prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over our heads but that we have allowed them to build a nest on our hairs. They asked me to hail all Anambra citizens for falling in love with these three lovebirds without hearts, poisonous, and yet, beautiful. So, if Senators Peter, Victor and Uche are not a triple blessing to Ndigbo and the epitome of brotherhood that Biafra is all about; can someone please rephrase the question?
You can email Churchill at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow on Twitter @churchillnnobi.