I Would Be A Pastor If I Had No Conscience By Ijabla Raymond

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If I were conscienceless, I would become a Nigerian pastor.

I would collect tithes and offerings from widows, pensioners, students, workers on minimum wage and even the unemployed.

I would not care that many of these people could not afford hospital bills or tuition fees for their children.

I would use the money so collected to buy myself a private jet to take care of my businesses around the world.

I would own houses and properties around the world.

My suits and shoes would cost more than the annual salary of a doctor, university lecturer or a lawyer.

I would gift my mistresses posh cars, expensive houses, gold, and jewelry.

I would use the tithes and offerings I collect from pensioners, widows and the unemployed to pay for sex.

And when I am caught with my pants down, I would say it was all a set up by my enemies to bring me down. If this explanation seems unsatisfactory or unconvincing to my followers then I would offer to publish a more “robust” reply soon.

If my church members wonder why their life is a mess, I would blame marine spirits and witches (by which I mean their aged parents or other family members) or their sinful lives.

I would be answerable to no one. And if anyone demands accountability, I would threaten them with the Bible verse that says: “Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm.” This is the ultimate trump card – it shuts everyone up because, believe me, no Nigerian wants to go to hell.

Ijabla is a medical doctor and a humanist. He writes from the U.K.
Email: ijabijay@me.com
Twitter: @ijabijay

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Godwin Okafor is a Financial Journalist, Internet Social Entrepreneur and Founder of Naija247news Media Limited. He has over 16 years experience in financial journalism. His experience cuts across traditional and digital media. He started his journalism career at Business Day, Nigeria and founded Naija247news Media in 2010. Godwin holds a Bachelors degree in Industrial Relations and Personnel Management from the Lagos State University, Ojo, Lagos. He is an alumni of Lagos Business School and a Fellow of the University of Pennsylvania (Wharton Seminar for Business Journalists). Over the years, he has won a number of journalism awards. Godwin is the chairman of Emmerich Resources Limited, the publisher of Naija247news.

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